Changes...Again

I think rather than going by the name Jane, I should just call myself Change. Seriously. I already know that change is really the only constant in everyone's life but I seem rather addicted to it and sometimes addicted at warp speed.  

Last week I faced the reality that I need to stop teaching again. The physical limitations from a series of unfortunate events that began with a minor surgery last October have virtually brought my professional life as an elementary school teacher to an abrupt halt. It would be surreal for me if this were the first time this has happened, but unfortunately it isn't. It is actually the third time that events beyond my control have stopped me in my tracks since I started teaching in 1987. 

Tonight as I write this, I sit here and wonder why it is that I have kept trying to participate in a profession that seems so determined to kick me out of it. I'm pretty sure I will never fully know the answer to that question and I guess at the end of the day, I don't have to know. I guess tonight all I can do is encourage myself by knowing that whether I actually get paid for it or not, I will love being in the presence of 3-5th grade kids until I cease to breathe. I know that I will love the excitement I feel whenever I'm aware that something I have taught a student has clicked in their mind or when I have helped a student solve a  behavior problem and it has allowed them to return to the mainstream classroom and engage in learning again. I know I will miss that. 

But...

tonight is also time to let go, do the best I can to leave with a clear head and heart, and to let myself be worth what it is going to take to get well again. That is what I will endeavor to do.